


Shame

by Esteliel



Series: The Tale of Eluivor and Vereyar [2]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings Online
Genre: Discipline, Gen, MMORPG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esteliel/pseuds/Esteliel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>This was a terrible affront, unworthy of their name, and he followed without protest when his father pulled him out of the room after a brisk apology to their guests, his fingers clenching hard around Eluivor's arm although he did not say a single word to his son.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AeonDelirium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonDelirium/gifts).



He only realized that he was late when he rode up to the stable, and there was no one there to take care of his mare. Instead, there were unfamiliar horses grazing in the meadow, and he paled when he saw the banners.

He had been told not to be late, for there were guests expected to dinner – yet instead of just his mother's family visiting, it seemed the king himself had stopped at his father's estate on a hunting trip.

Eluivor was never late. He never forgot his duties. He obeyed his tutors, he unfailingly showed up for each and every practice session with sword or bow, he had spent entire nights practicing his dancing after one of his brother's japes...

And now, he was late, and there was dirt on his shirt and a tear in his breeches from where he had followed a boar into a thorny thicket, and never mind that he had successfully killed that boar. He was late, and in no state fit to be seen, and the king was visiting.

With mechanical motions, he pulled the tack from his horse and released it to join the other horses in the meadow. There was no escaping what he knew would follow, and no excuse he could offer for insulting their guests in such a way. He wished he dared to race to his chambers to change, but he knew that stalling would only make it worse. His father would expect him to act like a man of honor and admit his wrongdoings straight away, and so he strode towards the ballroom with determination, ignoring the looks of the servants he passed, though he was pale and his lips tightly pressed together in fearful anticipation.

Facing his father when his arrival was announced was even worse than he had feared. Dinner had not yet been served, and the company was seated informally on small settees near two minstrels. There was the king, just as he had feared, giving him a placid, dispassionate look – and Eluivor paled even more when he noticed that the king's son had also accompanied his father and sat next to Súlaglar, talking animatedly while his brother laughed with his usual, effortless charm.

Eluivor could not even bring himself to hate his brother at that moment, even though a small, petty part of him thought that his brother could be covered in dirt right now, and yet both his father and his prince would forgive him in an instant for just a smile and one of his tales.

"I want to apologize, father," he said and bowed deeply when his father came forward with swift strides. There was anger in his eyes, just as Eluivor had known there would be – and of course, he knew that he deserved the anger, too. This was a terrible affront, unworthy of their name, and he followed without protest when his father pulled him out of the room after a brisk apology to their guests, his fingers clenching hard around Eluivor's arm although he did not say a single word to his son.

Eluivor knew what was going to happen when he saw that they were walking towards his father's study. Of course, a part of him had known this the moment he had arrived to find the stables deserted, and that same part of him knew that he deserved this. Still, that knowledge did nothing to soothe the pain of his own failure, and the sharp, stinging shame of having disappointed his father so terribly.

"This is unbecoming of you," his father said curtly as he closed the door to his study behind them. "I never would have believed that one of my own sons would disappoint me so – in front of the king, no less! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Eluivor shook his head silently, then forced himself to speak, lest he seemed even more cowardly than he already felt. His voice was trembling, and he loathed himself for it. _Are you a maid, that you cannot even admit your own failure, and take the punishment that is your due?_

"I have no excuse, father. I was hunting, and I forgot that we expected guests. I am sorry that I shamed you in front of the king."

"You are not a child, Eluivor," his father responded with a sharp glance at his dirty shirt. "Shall I have it known in the realm that my youngest son does not know courtesy, respect, manners? That he comes to the king's table dirty and disheveled, like some peasant from Laketown?"

Eluivor shook his head again, not trusting himself to speak, loathing himself even more for the tears that threatened to fall any moment. How could he have been so careless? 

"I did not expect that from you, Eluivor," his father then said with deep disappointment, and Eluivor lowered his eyes, sick with disgust at himself.

When he was bid to, he pulled down his breeches and bent over his father's desk without protest, squeezing his eyes closed in humiliation and shame when already the first stinging touch of the belt made the tears flow freely. This could have been his day to shine, he thought as he tried to bear the strikes with as much courage as he could, though there was no holding back his tears. If he had been there to great their guests at their arrival, if he had looked like a true son of his lord father instead of looking like a stable boy – if he had not forced his own father to lead him out of the ballroom like a willful child, to be punished like one, with all of their guests certainly aware of his humiliating punishment, and agreeing with the need for it... 

If he had been a better son, then maybe the prince would have laughed with him instead of his brother, and his father would have had a reason to be pleased with his comportment, would have been proud of him...

"Don't ever shame me in such a way again, Eluivor," his father said when he stopped at last, turning from him to straighten his own clothes while Eluivor remained on the desk for a moment, biting back the pathetic sobs that wanted to break free. His face was wet with tears, and he rubbed angrily at his eyes as he stood, wishing he had been able to take the punishment like a man. It had been deserved, after all. There was no need to cry over his own failure – he had no one but himself to blame for it.

"I swear it will not happen again, father," he said shakily. "T–thank you, father. I will never disappoint you again."

The Lord of the House of the Pine stepped closer then, and after a moment, drew the sword that was girded at his hip. "Do you know what this sword means?" he asked intently and Eluivor nodded obediently.

"Yes, father. It was found next to Oropher on the plains of Dagorlad, as was the body of grandfather. He was a great and honorable man. He gave his life for his king without question and did not flinch from death, even knowing of the certainty of their defeat."

“It is that memory you shamed today," his father pointed out. He spoke quietly, but his voice was hard as steel. “You are not a child, Eluivor. The name you bear has meaning. Your grandfather gave his life, so that your name gains you respect today. Today, you sullied that respect before our king himself. Not just respect for yourself – respect for me, for your family, for every last warrior and servant of our House. Do you understand that? Every word you say, everything you do, it will always reflect back on the House of the Pine. There can be no mistakes, no forgetfulness, no laziness, no cowardice. Not ever. Not unless you are the sort of man who does not care for the sacrifices those before him have made to afford him the life he leads. Are you that ungrateful, Eluivor?”

Eluivor shook his head wordlessly, forcing himself to show no sign of pain as he pulled his breeches back up to cover the hot, red welts, though his eyes still stung with tears.

“Don't ever force me to repeat this.” His father turned to stride from the room, though he stopped at the door when Eluivor did not follow.

“May I change into more suitable attire so I do not shame you further, father?” he asked softly, then lowered his head in obedience when his father shook his head.

“This is how you decided to appear despite knowing that we expected guests. That was the choice you made, now you will have to accept the consequences of your decision.”

“Yes, father,” Eluivor said, clenching his jaw as he followed his father, rubbing at his eyes even though he knew that nothing would be able to hide the fact that he had been crying from their guests. And every step he took reminded him of his shame and his failure with the stinging, hot pain of the red welts the belt had left. It would be torment to sit at the table and pretend that nothing had happened – but then, that, too, was a fitting punishment, and one he deserved, he decided, praying that the prince at least would still be too distracted by his brother's jests to notice his shame.


End file.
